How Being a Parent Feels Like (So Far)

Exhausting.

That one word sums it up. End of entry.

NOTTT. 

But that’s how it sure does feel at this exact moment, having just nursed the baby and soothing her to sleep at 2 something in the morning.

Literally, our lives changed overnight — the night our daughter was born. I haven’t had any long, decent sleep since that night but for my baby, it’s so worth it.

It’s been a little over 2 months since that magical night and this is how it feels like being a parent so far…

Eyes on YOU

I noticed that when you’re walking around pushing a stroller, people look at you differently. Or basically, they look. And stare. Whether it’s at the hospital or the mall, eyes are on you.

Am I being judged? Do I not look fit enough to be a mother? — are some of the thoughts that run through my mind.

Maybe the exhaustion is getting to me. They’re probably just rhetorically thinking, how wonderful it is to see caring, young parents out and about; what a cute family! 

(Puji diri sendiri nampak. Hahah.)

Everyone knows babies cry, but they’ll still give you the look

It’s not exactly the look but they will look. Again, eyes on you. It’s uncomfortable knowing that your baby’s cries and tantrum are an annoyance to another but to all those people who get irritated by the cries of a baby : BUG OFF. You were once a baby too.

Again, giving these people the benefit of the doubt, perhaps they were just feeling awfully sorry for us.

That nod in solidarity when you see other parents with babies or toddlers

The telepathy conversation that goes on:

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Cute kid. Doing some shopping?”

“Yeah, trying to. Didn’t get to do much. Need to go home. This one is getting cranky.”

“Ah, yes. We understand.”

Concentration radar diverted to the baby

I’m not saying having the baby makes you go delusional or out of focus but your mind will now constantly revolve around the baby’s needs. You may even come across as disinterested when having a conversation with another adult as you’re constantly trying to catch a glimpse of your baby making sure he/she is OK.

I’m also embarrassed to say that at times, I forget what day it is of the week. But maybe that’s the side effect of being on maternity leave (and not the office) — every day is the same.

Nangis risau, tak nangis pun risau

…says the baby. Hehehe. Crazy parent!

It’s bad enough that I worry when my baby cries, trying to figure out what he/she needs. But I get equally agitated and worrisome when the baby doesn’t cry (and sleeping soundly) fearing something’s wrong. Pulakkkk.

DETB: Drop Everything & Tend to Baby!

Now that a crying baby tops my list of priorities, I find myself endlessly forced to drop everything I’m in the middle of to tend to my baby. It does get frustrating when you delay tasks like household chores (and writing of this blog!), but for my baby girl it’s worth the deliberate procrastination.

The restlessness of leaving your baby behind

While it’s more convenient to leave the baby at home under the care of someone trusted when you’re out running quick errands, I get so restless doing so.

Is my baby OK? Is there enough milk for her? Is she putting up a big fuss? What if I get caught in traffic and I get home late?

The constant worry.

Not only that, I am grateful there is someone to look after my baby when I’m away but I hate the burden I impose even if it’s just for a couple hours.

Eh? Where did she go? 

When you’re at home with visitors, you may need to excuse yourself several times. Your absence will mean only one thing — feeding time! People will understand. So yes, I may need to miss out on that juicy goss session!

You cry, I cry

I’ve become more sensitive as a person after having a child. There have been so many unfortunate mishaps that I read or see in the news and I am even more touched when kids are involved as it hits closer to home. Not to mention incidences of baby abandonment at mosques or even dumpsters by irresponsible individuals. I can’t fathom how a human being can resort to this. The audacity one has. Be it their baby by blood or not. I can’t even stand looking at my baby cry helplessly after a jab at the hospital. And that’s just getting mandatory vaccination – something harmless. What more if an undesired incident were to occur. Seeing my baby cry like that makes me want to cry.

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Being a parent is an open-ended book. Each set of parents have their own ways when it comes to raising their kids but one thing remains the same — every child deserves to be in the warm clutches of unconditional tender loving care. Parents do have the control and ability to decide and act in the child’s best interests. It may not always be smooth sailing but it is our solemn and continuous duty as parents to ensure that our child’s basic needs are met with… including making them happy!