Mommy Diaries Off Air

How To Be OK When You’re Not OK

March 8, 2017

You’re a mom, you’re stressed, you’re tired.

You’re not alone.

I do believe that through time, we get better at managing the role. Not just as a mother, but as a wife too.

1. Entertainment as a coping mechanism
Realistic and relatable entertainment, that is. This immediately scraps Desperate Housewives off the list. Hehe.

I highly recommend this new series called ‘Workin’ Moms’. It’s a comedy drama that features four different kind of moms, each with their own characteristics and parenting styles. The show highlights how working mothers deal with the art of juggling. It’s amazingly on-point.

i) First, there’s the high-powered career-centric mom who reluctantly resorted to formula when she wasn’t producing enough milk, on top of facing challenges of finding the right nanny.

ii) Then there’s the psychiatrist mom who works from home, who is finding it difficult to bond with her daughter because she’s affectionate in a not so conventional way, hard on the outside but soft in the inside. She envies her helper who seems to have a friendlier relationship with her daughter.

iii) Next is the working mom who is putting up a huge sacrifice by letting her husband become a stay-at-home-dad so he can pursue his dreams of becoming a screenplay writer. She slowly realises this is not the way they panned things to turn out.

iv) Finally there’s the carefree mom who despite her casual and let-go spirit, is suffering from a slight postpartum depression.

So which mom are you? Hehe.

Another good show is ‘Odd Mom Out’ which illustrates the life of a mom living in the upper east side of New York City with her husband and three kids. She’s the odd one out, because she doesn’t conform to the ‘overly dramatic’ ways of most of the moms living in the affluent side of the Big Apple. She does feel left out, but doesn’t hesitate to get vocal when expressing her beliefs.

Both series are so good, you’ll probably binge watch, even on repeat mode. What makes them so good and on-point is that they were created by the stars of the show, who are actual mothers themselves, recreating their true life accounts into a drama series.

2. Dish!
If you’re feeling stressed or wondering how other moms are coping and managing their daily duties, talk it out with other mom friends.

Tell them how you feel.
Ask if they feel the same.

Chances are, they are going through the same spirals of challenges and hardships. Join mom forums, or read mommy blogs (like this one! ;-D). Moms are known for their generous and nurturing nature, they won’t be selfish in sharing advice and tips. We are given a sense of comfort when we realise other mothers are on the same boat, experiencing the same kind of ‘seasick’.

3. Observe
I’m sure after becoming parents, you tend to be more observant toward other parents at the mall, restaurants, family gatherings, etc. You watch how they handle their kids.

Nooooo…..not to be a kepohchi! It’s to learn and gauge with what’s going on. What I’ve observed, is that we women are generally all the same. The way we nag, complain and sometimes get a little annoyed at our husbands. It’s all very familiar. A

Dear Husbands, we don’t subdue you to our nags for no reason!

Women are known to be very efficient and systematic, so we have our own ways of doing things. Sometimes, it ticks us off just a little bit, or we get a little impatient when our husbands are a little left behind in catching up. Hehehe. Nevertheless, we love the men in our lives!

Husbands can’t deny though, our nags do haunt them, enabling them to improve on chores when we’re not around. They’ll hear our voice when they’re planning to take the easy way out, only to quickly switch to the right way of doing things. 🙂

4. It’s OK to ask for help
When you need help, don’t be shy or embarrassed to ask from someone trustworthy like your husband, family member or friend. We need to admit, we can’t do everything on our own. Part of our job is to seek help, too. It makes us better as a whole.

I admit though, I still feel guilty when I have someone watch my daughter when I need to bathe, clean the room, etc. It’s just for a mere hour or so, but I feel like I’m being irresponsible. Be realistic, I tell myself. You have help at home and if you don’t utilize it, you won’t get anything done. I am seriously in awe of those who are alone at home on a daily basis, with a baby. Be STRONG, ladies! I really do believe it’s only hard in the initial stages and that it does get better as you learn how to manage better.

It’s also natural to feel some resentment towards our husband.

When we’re at home taking care of the child and he’s out working, meeting people.
When we wake up for a night feed and he’s soundly asleep.
When we’re frantically packing all the baby stuff before a holiday adventure and he’s just waiting for everything to be ready.

Husbands are ready to help, sometimes we just need to ‘request’ for it. Again, don’t be hesitant to ask for help from the man you exchanged vows with. With a proper guideline from the missus, they can be useful assistants. Hehe.

5. The disappointment of not being able to hang out
It’s not just the disappointment, it’s the guilt of that “I’m sorry, I can’t” we give our friends. It’s not that being a mother has totally wiped out the desire to hang out, but the thought process doubles when there’s kids in the picture. Kids are definitely not a hindrance to meeting friends or travelling, but circumstances are now different. If there’s no one to watch our kid or if he/she falls ill, going out is the last thing on our mind.

But don’t give up in asking, we do still want to link up and catch up! We really do! Just bear with us…

Moms, it’s OK to say “I’m sorry, I can’t”. No one said being a parent doesn’t come with sacrifice. It’s tough, but rewarding.

6. Watch your child smile
A child is always innocent. We do feel tempted to shout and lash out when the baby is crying for no identifiable reason, but when you do, take a deep breath. Don’t vent out at the baby.

You can get through this.

Stay sane and stay relaxed. Do a little impromptu investigation. Find out why the baby’s crying. Find a creative way to calm the baby down.

In all the madness, savour that moment when your child smiles and laughs. Those cheeky and cute giggles will melt your heart, eradicating any anger or stress you’ve harboured.

Hey Moms, you’ll be OK. 😉


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